Category Archives: Gender Junk

Blog about my Dad.


Not much in the way of words, but I made this a while back when I was thinking about him and I been thinking about him this past week a lot too.

It’s a calavarita- Mexican-folk inspired, like a Day-0f-The-Dead sugar skull. I lived in Guanajuato, Mexico for 6 months back in 2002, and was lucky enough to participate with a family’s celebration of the holiday. It’s a beautiful time of year (October/November) to visit Mexico. Especially the City of Guanajuato, which at that time hosts the Cervantino festival, a monstrous, 4-week arts celebration that turns the tiny town into a mini Mexico City for a month. It’s amazing.

But anyways, that time of year rolls around and Mexicans make sugar skulls and put them everywhere. They make them in memory of their dead loved ones. My dad died when I was 18 so he never knew I got a degree in Spanish or that I lived in Mexico, or that I live in FL now. I think he would be glad to know I quit smoking. He died of lung and prostate cancer, back before they could do too much for prostate cancer and even celebrities like Michael Landon fell prey to it.

Guess since we’re talking about death and Mexican folk art I should mention that, if you haven’t already noticed, I love Mexican art and it does tend to influence my style. In fact this blog is named after one of Frida Kahlo’s paintings:

Khalo painted this in response to a news story in which a man had slain his wife brutally by stabbing her 22 times and then appealed to the judge, stating, “but it was just a few small nips!” Many of you already know this story but I think it bears repeating. I chose the title for the blog because we live in times that, while superficially different, haven’t changed that much at several institutional levels. Women still have to go on trial themselves in order to defend themselves against abuse and so very many of them don’t even bother.

Men still tend to think that women are there to serve them and since women’s rights crawl forward at a snail’s pace, there is now mounting hostility towards women who have the audacity to stand up for themselves and go through the fiery hoops of the judicial system to protect themselves.

Urban myths develop. Men have the idea that there’s this plague of false accusations flying around and “ruining the lives” of perfectly well-meaning men. Because men have been trained to believe that their lives are the only important ones in this world.


So thank you Frida Khalo, and thank you Dad. I wouldn’t be who I am without the influence of both of you.


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Filed under Art and Words, Gender Junk, Solipcistic Navel-Gazing

No Cigarettes… 73.5 hours….

So yeah, I haven’t smoked cigarettes in that many hours. Which ain’t too bad for someone who started smoking when she was 11 and has never quit for a whole day since.

Doesn’t change the fact that I want to rip my hair out and stomp around and holler at people. Especially stupid people. They’re on the shitlist tonight.

I went and told myself I wouldn’t get all bothered by the dumbass bullshit people would say about me when I talked about how I was against porn, and that I was a radfem, etc. and so forth. I was doing the zen thing, you know? Just trying to let it be “their” problem and not mine. I’ve been pretty good at that for the last several months.

But the sheer idiocy in formulating arguments gets me all riled up; insistence upon some mythological “hierarchy of oppressions” instead of attempting to understand intersectionality- that gets me a bit cheesed off.

It’s easier to blame women for society’s problems than it is to get to the real root of things, I think mainly ’cause that would necesitate self-reflection on the part of those making the accusations. Those goddam feminists. What the hell have they ever done for us, right? I mean, it like 90% of all fucking liberation theory comes from a mix of feminist and black nationalist thought, right? God dammit. I say to these folks the same fucking thing I say to fundamentalist Christians: start by reading your own god damned books.

It is divisive for feminists to try and beat up on trans people. It is also divisive for transpeople to beat up on feminists.

Being a woman is NOT a privilege. It doesn’t lead to the same place being “white” does. Yeah, the two experiences intertwine for some people. But being a woman means being relegated to a sub-human class. In our class system, there is only one class who is deemed fully-human, and recieves the rights and privileges, pretty much free of charge, that come with that privileged birth. And if the class you’re in is class woman, then those things aren’t yours for the taking.

Trans people don’t have institutional power. Nor do women of any kind, trans or not. The man sits back and laughs at us while we have these little “tiffs.” And he’s got every reason to, because we are acting really stupid when we don’t get along.

Anyhoo. I’m gonna go roll around in bed for a while. I have such a temper the past couple days, jeez.

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Filed under Gender Junk, Just Words, Solipcistic Navel-Gazing

House Rules

1. Be Nice to Everyone. This includes the people you don’t agree with. The only one here with license to be un-nice is me, and generally I won’t use it.

2. No flaming, trolling, or any other form of passive aggressive blog sabotage. I know the patterns. I’ll ban you.

3. No porn. No links to porn. No million questions about “is it art or is it porn?” unless that is something that I decide to post about. If you made it, and it looks like porn, then it’s porn, and if you post it here, it’ll get deleted.

4. NO name calling (this means no attacks on someone’s identity, no telling someone they’re NOT something that they identify as, and in general no presumption of the right to define reality for someone else.)

5. I deem this part of blogland to be a safe, hate-free, anti-pornography space for all women. My hope is that all kinds of women will eventually participate in the conversation. That said, there will be no toleration of any kind of anti-woman hate speech on this website- and there will be no toleration for anti-lesbian, anti- trans, or anti-feminist rhetoric of any kind. And at the end of the day, the judgment call is mine to make. There will be no flame wars here- it’s been too destructive everywhere else. IF I see it starting to happen here I’ll just utilize the “delete” feature till it stops.

6. Now that all the “what not to do” bits are out there, I DO want you all to comment and converse and have fun. I really like the idea of everyone feeling welcome here. I don’t like having to make rules, but it seems inevitable. There are folks out there who like to really bring women down, especially when they are outspoken against the porn industry, and the point of having these rules is more or less to warn those folks (they know damn well who they are) that it just ain’t gonna work here.

7. A WARNING: if you do get triggered by naked-ness, there are some pictures that I might post of women who are naked that might bother you. Sorry. I do have a tendency to paint non-pornographic pictures of women who are either naked or topless. You might see boobs and pubic hair sometimes. I think I already mentioned that somewhere.

Ok, that’s all. If you have any genuine questions you can feel free to email me. My contact info is right out there in big, red font.

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Filed under Feminism, Gender Junk, Just Words